Group Therapy

“Grief has always been communal. It was never meant to be carried alone.” - Francis Weller.

What if you had a whole day with a compassionate and courageous community to speak the truth about how you feel?

It is easy to forget that our grief requires support and friendship. We quickly pull back into the familiar territory of going at it alone. Consider gathering to discuss our shared pain together. To question what the experience of sorrow is presented to us as: private, weak, and uncomfortable. What if, instead, it was sacred, a gateway to the purest joy?

There can be humour, grace, moments of silence, and moments of tears. Some of my most epic laugh sessions have been amidst a massive cry when a friend makes a perfectly timed, perhaps slightly inappropriate joke.

There is no single way to experience sorrow, and that is why this work is so important. We have conditioned each other to believe that pain and talking about it are not appropriate. We are rushed through it, told to get over it, or not to talk about it.

Recently, I watched a film called Group Therapy, directed by Neil Berkeley and featuring a remarkable cast of comedians — Neil Patrick Harris, Mike Birbiglia, Nicole Byer, Gary Gulman, London Hughes, Tig Notaro, and Atsuko Okatsuka. Together, they speak candidly about the connection between their mental health struggles and the art of stand-up comedy.

The documentary is both thoughtful and funny, filmed in an intimate group-circle setting. It was as hilarious as it was heartbreaking, and somehow, profoundly hopeful.

Watching it reminded me why I do the work I do. Sharing our stories reveals just how interconnected we are. Even in the face of the most complicated diagnoses or the roughest hands life deals us, there is always a path back to gratitude and to the quiet magic of life unfolding, if we can trust one another and trust the earth that holds us.

The Value of Working in Groups

• Focus & Duration → A day retreat is an island in time where, removed from other distractions and demands, we can focus together long enough to explore our deeper responses to loss and sorrow.

• Provides Support → The natural emotions evoked by discussing our loss can be hard to deal with alone; a workshop serves as a haven and laboratory.

• Offer Safety → We practice behaviours uncommon in regular life. We learn to hear each other's deepest feelings without wanting to contradict or fix them.

• Support truth-telling → There are things we really need to hear ourselves say.

• Group work is synergistic → The synergy of a group reveals the profoundly collaborative nature of all life.

• Generates community → Even if we don't meet again, we experience a new openness and honesty in ourselves when we encounter other people; the feeling of community carries over into our daily lives.

Many of the ideas in this post were inspired by the writing of Joanna Macy & Molly Brown in their book Coming Back to Life. https://www.joannamacy.net/main